A stand-up comedy special is on the horizon…

Oh the things that come to one’s disordered mind…they’d easily make up a one-hour Netflix comedy special. I am thinking of the name as we speak (How I overcame the cray-cray, Laughing at my mentalism, When my moomins left the valley…I dunno, some of these seem a bit laboured).

I went to the nutritionist today, hurrah! My 1-month anniversary, a fine time for a visit. The nutritionist said, ‘Ah I see you’re doing round 2 now’. I was like, ‘Eh?’. She told me we’d met in 2016, when  I had apparently visited her with some vague idea about how I kinda maybe ought to perhaps think about possibly fixing my eating. I do not remember this visit. I had said some things to her then. I do not remember these. One of them was that I could not take vitamins or calcium pills because they would make me fat. I don’t remember saying that either.

But I do remember why I would think that. This is comedy material. See I had osteoporosis when I was young. Then later on, when I was doing better, things improved and I currently have osteopenia. Old lady bones, but like, not hugely old. I used to think that because there are air bubbles in my bones, that helps me weigh less. If I eat calcium, the bad bad calcium will find itself into the bone matter and fix the holes, causing my bones to become extra heavy. Uh-oh, the end of the world as we know it. I shan’t take any pills. (There was of course the additional limitation of my illness disallowing me to care for my health and ingest things that would help me feel better, but I feel that’s rather just kinda sad than stand-up material…)

Did I mention I am human adult with several university qualifications. This illness is ridiculous. But whatevs. I have been to the pharmacy today, exclaimed to the pharmacist that I am recovering from an eating disorder -caused fragmentation of self (incl. but not limited solely to bone matter) and demanded their best vegetarian calcium tablets, stat. I obviously ate one as soon as I was out the pharmacy door. I just stopped writing this to take another one (2 a day, nae overdosing here), just to spite my ED. Haha, ner-ner, you’re a sucky loser ED.

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