Storming the barricades, etc.

Do  you have a loved one who is constantly under-performing in life? That person may have an eating disorder!

I joke, but at the same time I do not. Plenty of people underachieve in life and the reasons to that are many and varied. However I do suggest an ED may often create, when it is severe enough, massive amounts of restrictions to one’s freedom and ability to achieve the things that the person wants in life. It certainly did that for me, and every day still, when I don’t manage to eat quite enough, the doom that surrounds me and the thoughts that arise from the doom fog of death, are one very efficient way to stop one’s attempts at success and happiness in life.

You know those 16 personality types quizzes you get on the interwebs? I have done that most famous one (probably at 16personalitytypes.com or something equally logical), both when I was ill and when I started recovery. When I was ill, my personality type was either INFJ ‘The Advocate’ or INFP ‘The Mediator’, but it definitely hit the introvert box heavily. When you’re actively scared of people, you will be fairly introverted eh.

Now, however, I am ‘The Campaigner’, ENFP. Because Pihla loves people and talking and advancing the things that she thinks make the world a better place. When I had an illness I wasn’t allowed to campaign for anything, for my ideas were no good and I deserved to die anyway. It’s pretty hard to find the strength to go out there and sell your ideas to anyone, when your inner voice tells you to shut up and curl up in a corner. So I was constantly underachieving in my campaigning, even though I think there are many things incorrect in the society and I also believe in trying to correct those things. I’ve been called an idealist (like it’s a curse word) since I was 16. I am still an idealist. Realism and idealism aren’t mutually exclusive, preach. Not all of my ideas are feasible, but I refuse to settle for the view that because some system has been like this since forever it can’t ever be changed.

I may become a politician some day….but even if I don’t, recovery for me means the freedom to advance the values I hold important. The freedom to try and change dysfunctional components of our society. To create public discourse and conversation around topics I find are worth talking about. I would love nothing more than be able to make that my full-time mission in life.

So you see, illness, my life has little room for you. I don’t have time for you as there are more important things to do and discuss than you. I need to eat to have energy to crusade and campaign. You are being made redundant. The Pihla political party is letting you go as we no longer feel your contribution is necessary to the efficient advancement of our common cause. Sorry, not sorry, and bye girl, bye.

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